Everyone loves a good joke.
But not these. The old Czech/check puns get old for any tourist who’s been in Prague for more than five minutes (and if not, you can wear it home), but they’ve found a good home over at r/DadJokes, a collection of some of the lamest humor you’ll ever find online.
Behold! Annoy your friends and confuse your Czech neighbors with these cringe-inducing English-language Czech puns sourced from Reddit.
Back when I was in a band I had a roadie that was from Poland.
I had a Czech one too. A Czech one too. A Czech one too.
And that’s as good as it gets, folks.
What do Prague divorce attorneys have in common with waiters?
They’re both often asked to separate Czechs.
While in Prague I drove by the maximum security prison. It made me feel uneasy…
I never like passing bad Czechs.
I’ve got a friend from Prague who is really good at chess.
He’s my Czech mate.
What do you get when you marry a woman from the Czech Republic?
A Czech mate.
Hey, same punchline.
Do you hear about the guy who worked the door at the Prague nightclub?
He made a good living bouncing Czechs.
Have you heard about the Czech inventor of the trampoline?
He was the first Czech to bounce.
What do you call an albino man from Prague?
A blank Czech.
Did you know they don’t pay by cash in Prague?
Apparently, they all use Czechs.
Did you know that the band RUSH has a huge following in the Czech Republic?
Turns out the locals really love their Prague Rock.
Why did the Czech’s neighbor never join him for his early-morning run?
He was more of a Slo-walkian.
Some different punnery, at least.
How do know if a car is from Poland or the Czech Republic?
You just Czech the polish.
What do you call a GOP supporter from Prague?
A Czech Republican.
Why can it be so annoying to drive a Škoda?
The Czech engine light is always on.
And we should end it there. But one more long-form joke for the road:
At a state dinner, both the King of the Czech lands and the King of France happened to witness a murder. The next day, they held a joint conference to describe what they each had seen. As the King of France gave his recollection of the details of the murder, the audience gasped and clutched their handkerchiefs and at the end swooned in amazement. But when the King of the Czech lands gave his eyewitness account, the audience barely reacted, some even yawning! A Czech prince, full of indignation, demanded of a courtier, “Why are the people so bored with my father’s speech?” The courtier replied, “Don’t you know? These days you get no interest in a Czech King account.”
Early in the morning, a lawyer and his Czech friend went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they were picking blueberries, along came two big Bears – a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, climbed a tree.
His friend wasn’t so lucky and the male bear caught him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer drove his car to town as fast has he could to get a policeman. The policeman took his gun and ran to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” said the lawyer, pointing to the male.
The policeman looked at the bears, took careful aim with his gun, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
“What did you do that for!” shouted the lawyer, “I said he was in the other bear!”
“Exactly,” answered the policeman. “Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?”